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  • Resilience: What Has Your Stress Done For You?
    Posted on 03/11/2010 12:52 AM
    Many people attempt to define themselves by a what they do for a living, who they live with, or even their own 'signature style' of dress. Often when we meet people, we look at them, ask 'What do you do?', and get an idea of who they are from these defining features. These are certainly aspects of who we are, but they don't define the whole of who we are, and often don't even touch on the most important aspects of who we are.

    We may not realize it, but as much as we're defined by the goals we reach and the ways in which we choose to present ourselves, we're also defined by the challenges we face in life, and what we do to overcome them. Whether or not we look at each obstacle in life as a potential gift, if we think about it, most of us inherently know that there is indeed a gift with most of the difficult things we face in life; the trick is to find it, or rather, to remember to look.

    Moving to a new city can be a major challenge that brings homesickness and hard work, but can also bring new opportunities, new independence, and of course, new friends and neighbors. Surviving a major car accident and resulting injuries may bring serious tears and fears, or it can bring an understanding of how precious life is, how lucky we are when we have our health, and a realization that we may possess more inner strength and resilience than we ever thought possible.

    When we first face a stressor, our initial reaction may be negative. However, with practice, we can all learn to see more positives mixed with the negatives. We can all start seeing our stressors as challenges instead of threats. And we can all use these challenges as tools for growth rather than mere harbingers of stress.

    The following articles can all help you change your perspective and your initial responses to stress, to have a more optimistic, resilient outlook:

    • Reframing and Stress Management
      Cognitive reframing is a simple way of taking a potentially negative event and seeing it as a blessing. Read and learn.

    • Cognitive Reframing Techniques That Work
      What are some of the best ways in which you've changed your perspective and thus changed your experience? We want to hear! Share, and see what other readers have to say.

    • Benefits of Optimism
      Why look on the bright side anyway? Here's why! Read about the benefits of optimism.

    • How To Become More Emotionally Resilient
      If you'd like to be able to handle life's challenges (both major and minor) with greater ease, to grow from adversity, and to turn potentially negative events into positive ones, the following steps can help you to become more resilient to stress.

    • Are You Prone to Optimism or Pessimism?
      Assess your explanatory style and see how you see the world. (Hint: you may be surprised by the results!)

    What are some challenges you've survived, and what growth have you found because of it? What are some ways in which you've looked at things differently and relieved stress by doing so? Share your experiences in the comments section.

    Resilience: What Has Your Stress Done For You? originally appeared on About.com Stress Management on Thursday, March 11th, 2010 at 05:52:42.

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  • Support For Stress Relief
    Posted on 03/09/2010 05:18 PM
    Over the weekend, we had a party for my son's tenth birthday. As with many birthday parties, it involved a lot of moving parts, and some juggling. And as with many parties we've had in the past, I felt such gratitude for my family and friends, who helped me out when I needed an extra set of hands. My sister was seating kids for cake when my attention was occupied, a friend helped serve ice cream while another friend served cake. My husband wrote down the gift list and took plenty of pictures. And my friends all generally pulled together to help me ensure that all the kids were happy. This type of support--hands-on, physical support--is a type of support that I'm not always comfortable asking for, but really appreciate. And, as I realize that people are generally happy to help--in fact, most good friends would prefer to help out!--I'm getting more comfortable with asking for and giving this type of support.

    As I was reflecting on the gratitude I felt for the support my friends and family were giving, I also thought about all the emotional support we share, and all of the other types of support that help us all keep stress at bay. While relationship conflicts can be a cause of stress, the right circle of friends and type of social support can work wonders.

    I recently read some interesting research on types of support, however, and found confirmation on what I've always instinctively felt: that not all types of support function in the same way and, even more interesting to me, some types of support can actually be damaging if given in too-large quantities. Read more about the research on different types of support, and see the resources below on how to share stress relief with your loved ones through supportive relationships.

    Relationship Resources for Stress Management:

    • Types of Social Support
      What are the different types of social support, and how do they work? Do men and women need different things? And is it really possible to get TOO MUCH support from a spouse? Learn more about social support and stress!

    • Best Types and Sources of Social Support
      Social support is a wonderful remedy for stress, and can come in many shapes and sizes. And different types of social support resonate with different people (though esteem support is virtually universally liked). What does good social support look like to you? What are your favorite types and sources of social support?

    • Communication Skills
      Conflict in a relationship is virtually inevitable. In itself, conflict isn't a problem; how it's handled, however, can bring people together or tear them apart. Poor communication skills, disagreements and misunderstandings can be a source of anger and distance, or a springboard to a stronger relationship and happier future. Next time you're dealing with conflict, keep these tips on effective communication skills in mind and you can create a more positive outcome.

    • How to Create Truly Supportive Friendships
      Creating a supportive circle of friends is well worth the effort, but it does take some work. Here are some important things to remember in building your social support.

    • More Research on Social Support

    What are some ways you've given support lately? What are some ways that people have supported you? Share your experiences in the comments, we'd love to hear them! And if you've found this post helpful, please consider sharing it with your friends and family via the 'share' button. Thanks!

    Support For Stress Relief originally appeared on About.com Stress Management on Tuesday, March 9th, 2010 at 22:18:28.

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  • Reader Wisdom: Reframing A Bad Day
    Posted on 03/03/2010 12:48 AM
    As many of you know, I have some great articles on my site that are generated almost entirely from the wisdom of my readers. I pose a question (with a link to additional information on the topic), and readers respond with their experiences, stories and tips. I've really enjoyed creating and reading these articles because they provide a variety of angles from which a given topic can be viewed, and they add some interesting 'color' to a given topic.

    I recently created one of these Reader Response articles on the topic of cognitive reframing. The question I posed is as follows:

    Cognitive reframing--the wonderful practice of looking at things in a more positive light in order to experience them as less stressful--is a simple and effective stress reliever. And there are unlimited opportunities to practice cognitive reframing to maintain a more optimistic world view. Sometimes it helps to see how others can take lemons and make lemonade; sometimes it's nice to get a pat on the back for a brilliant example of cognitive reframing you've used in your own. Either way, I invite you to share your best examples of cognitive reframing in your own life, and get inspired by the stories of others.

    I received several great responses. Here's one I particularly like, from Linda.LongIsland:

    Several people, including Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, have written about the benefits of gratitude. Instead of focusing on what's going wrong, we can focus on what's going right. A friend of mine was complaining that nothing went right one day. I said, "You have to look at things correctly. Lots of things went right. Can you walk? Can you see? Do you have a roof over your head?, etc." She answered yes and then thanked me for giving her "a gift." We all have so much to be grateful for and by concentrating on the daily miracles in our lives, we will have the strength to get through stressful times.

    How would you have responded? Here's your chance--add to the Reader Response article on cognitive reframing yourself!

    In the comments section below, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, or any topic ideas you'd like to see turned into a Reader Response article. I'm always appreciative of suggestions!

    See More Reader Response Articles

    Reader Wisdom: Reframing A Bad Day originally appeared on About.com Stress Management on Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010 at 05:48:29.

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