WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

L.A. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll 
find out.

Bill Clinton: Please define "cross."

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.

Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.

Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.

Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.

Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost, the chicken would be lost!

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Al Gore: I don't know, but the road is a pathway for those evil cars. We destroy it, a car could have run over the poor chicken.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Matt Heil: Hey I asked for turkey.

Adolf Hitler: It needed Lebensraum.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.

John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross|

Martin Luther King: It had a dream.

James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.

Rush Limbaugh: Because I am the greatest and it came over to be my dinner.

Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.

Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.

Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.

Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.

John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.

Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?

Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest.  Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.

Michael Palin: Nobody expects the banished inky chicken|

Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!

William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.

Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.

Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

George Washington: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776.  But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ... please.

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

ARISTOTLE:  To actualize its potential.

ROSEANNE BARR:  Urrrrrp. What chicken?

GEORGE BUSH:  To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.

GEORGE BUSH (revisited): There was no chicken.  There wasn't even a road.

JULIUS CAEASR:  To come, to see, to conquer.

CANDIDE:  To cultivate its garden.

BILL THE CAT:  Oop Ack.

CAT (from Red Dwarf):  I'm gonna get you little chickie, cause I like chickies.

BUDDHA:  If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

BILL CLINTON:  Ah will tax all chickens.

JIMMY CARTER:  Ah will tax all chickens.

JOSEPH CONRAD:  Mistah Chicken, he dead.

HOWARD COSELL:  It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an Herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

SALVADOR DALI:  The Fish.

DARWIN:  It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

THOMAS DEQUINCY:  Because it ran out of opium.

RENE DESCARTES:  It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.

EMILY DICKINSON:  Because it could not stop for death.

BOB DYLAN:  How many roads must one chicken cross?

TS ELIOT:  Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.

TS ELIOT (revisited):  Do I dare to cross the road?

EPICURUS:  For fun.

PAUL ERDOS:  It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.

MOSES:  And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road."  And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

MOSES (revisited):  Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.

RICHARD M. NIXON:  The chicken did not cross the road.  I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

JERRY SEINFELD:  Why does anyone cross a road?  I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

FREUD:  The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:  I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, balance your check book, and scatter unnecessary chicken feed in your barnyard.

OLIVER STONE:  The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"   Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

DARWIN:  Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:  I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA:  In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.  Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

MACHIAVELLI:  The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

EINSTEIN:  Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON:  The chicken did not cross the road; it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:  To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS:  I missed one?