Duh Stuff!
You'll roll your eyes at this great, must-have info!

By month added:
[01/05]    [01/03]   [12/01]   [12/00]   [03/00]   [9/99]   [12/98]   [3/98]   [2/98]

By article:
[The Mindreader]
[Government Spending]   [Major Distribution]   [Voting Woes]   [Bug Bombs]
[Killer Biscuits]   [Response Time]   [Hot Footing It]
['Le Woogie' Card Trick]   [Bungling
Burglars]   [Better Safe Than Sorry]
[Stuart Little on a Binge]   [Housing Boom]   [Diseased Neckties]
[Credit Cards for 3 Year Olds]   [Power Play]
[Survey Said...]   [105-year-old to school]   [Cow Paternity]

[Only in America]   [Van Gogh Family Tree]

Before 01/05


How could they not know???
The Transportation Security Administration revealed in March that, in the last 12 months, airline passengers at U.S. airports had been found by screeners to have tried to board with 4.8 million prohibited items, including 1.4 million knives, 1,100 guns, 125,000 incendiary items and 40,000 box-cutters.  And in February, a 45-year-old Japanese tourist attempted to board a flight at Miami International Airport carrying a canister of gasoline, two boxes of matches and a barbecue grill, and he was taken into custody when he refused to give them up.
[CNN-AP, 3-10-03] [CNN-AP, 2-18-03]

The meaning of the word "stop"

University of Manitoba professor Rod Yellon's appeal of his 1998 traffic ticket for running a stop sign was rejected in February, and it appears he will now have to pay the fine, equal to about US$35.  Yellon's strategy alternated between complaining of being oppressed and boycotting court proceedings, and in fact he was convicted in absentia.  He refuses to pay the ticket because he thinks the word "stop" on a stop sign is too vague and that the government should set precisely calibrated standards of what it means to "stop."
[Winnipeg Free Press, 2-26-03]

Undignified Deaths

A 90-year-old woman was fatally crushed when a clumsy, 485-pound circus bear performing at a retirement home tripped over her wheelchair and fell on her (Hanover, Germany, August).  A 52-year-old woman delivering newspapers before dawn on her motorcycle was killed when she accidentally ran head first into the rear end of a racehorse being walked along a road to a nearby stable (Utsunomiya, Japan, January).  And, from a New Orleans Times-Picayune obituary that contains no explanation: "Eric D. 'Big Head' Vicks, a laborer, died Jan. 20 of a head injury."
[Reuters, 8-7-02]   [Mainichi Daily News 1-27-03]   [Times-Picayune, 1-28-03]



Check this link to The Mindreader!


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Government  Spending
While the Statue of Liberty remains shuttered for lack of $5
million in post-September 11 upgrades, Congress in January
mandated $10.7 billion in "earmarked" projects (also known as
home-state "pork"), including: $50 million for an indoor rain forest
in Iowa, $50 million to make sure a Florida beach resort bridge
remains toll-free, $450,000 to decipher the gene structure of
rainbow trout, $225,000 to repair a public swimming pool whose
drain U.S. Rep. Jim Gibbons of Nevada clogged with tadpoles
when he was a kid, $200,000 to introduce golf to youngsters,
$90,000 for the Cowgirl Hall of Fame, and, ironically, $500,000 for
a University of Akron program that analyzes how Congress makes
difficult budget decisions.

Major Distribution
In December, payoff checks started arriving from Citibank's
class-action lawsuit settlement that required it to refund
overcharges for credit-card fees, but since the $18 million payout
had to be split among 20 million customers and former customers,
the checks were for as little as 4 cents, while the lawyers who
brought the lawsuit shared $7.2 million. A major Citibank "abuse"
corrected by the lawsuit: It was charging interest from 10 a.m. on
the payment-due date but agreed to start charging it only as of 1 p.m.

Voting Woes

Déjà Vu All Over Again: In January, in Florida's first election
using all touch-screen balloting (following the state's 2000
presidential fiasco), Ellyn Bogdanoff won a special election for a
state House seat from Broward County by 12 votes out of about
10,000 cast, but the losing candidate was considering a challenge
over the 134 "voters" who had gone into the booths but for whom
no votes were registered.  (By the way, in January in San Antonio,
Tex., Chad Allen Tolleson was arrested for burglarizing a store by
climbing in through a ventilation duct; however, he got stuck, and
early-arriving employees who found him dangling from the ceiling
now refer to him as "Hanging Chad.")

Watch Those Bug Bombs!

And a home at 3715 Euclid Avenue in San Diego, Calif., was completely
demolished when a pilot light ignited the 19 bug bombs the
homeowner had set; one canister would have been plenty lethal for
the small area, but 19 yielded a bomb 28 times more powerful than necessary.


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Before 01/03

(the actual AP headline)

Linda Brunette, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and
while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.  Several
people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up, her eyes
closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been in the store became concerned and walked over to
the car.  He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very
strange.  He asked her if she was okay, and she replied that she'd been shot
in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for
 over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors
were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.  When they
finally got in, they found that she had a wad of bread dough on the back of
her head.  A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded in the heat, making a
loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in
the back of the head.  When she reached back to find out what it was,
she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.

She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her
brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And, yes,...... Linda is a blonde.


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Response Time
(Don't try this at home.)

I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in the garage, she could see from the bedroom window.  As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the garage taking things.

I phoned the police, but they told me that no one was in his area to help at  this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they become available.  I said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the  police back.

"Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my  garage.
Well, you don't have to worry about them I shot them all."

Within three minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works.
Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(submitted by Elliot, 3/02)

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HOT-FOOTING IT:   (3/7/02) 
Carl Franklin, 30, was spotted by police in Tallahassee, Fla., standing with his pants around his ankles.  Officer Seth Stoughton figured Franklin was trying to urinate on the street and shouted at him to pull up his pants.  He did -- and ran, with Stoughton in pursuit.  Franklin, however, had apparently put a lit cigarette in his pocket before dropping his pants, and the wind generated by his running helped it light his pants on fire.  "His pocket was outlined in red, and it was clearly smoldering," Stoughton said.  Franklin, who had not buckled his pants, lost his grip and they fell to his ankles, tripping him.  Stoughton tried to put out the fire as Franklin tried to get away.  "About halfway to the jail, he was still shouting that his pants were on fire."
(submitted by Elliot, 3/02)

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The 'Le Woogie' Card Trick!

Amazing!!!!!!!!  It actually works............

 The 'Le Woogie' Card Trick           Performed by: Le Woogie
Pick one of the following cards. Don't click on it; just keep it in your head.

scroll down when you have your card,

Think about your card for 20 seconds in front of Le Woogie.

Le Woogie will attempt to read your mind!
Scroll down after 20 Seconds

The Great Le Woogie Has Removed Your Card!

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Before 12/01:

Bungling Burglars  (2/17/01)
Police in Tallahassee, Fla., arrested two men when they returned to a house shortly after allegedly stealing two television sets.  Jaron Grosby and Wesley Jackson, both 20, were charged with burglary when found outside the house with the loot.  Why return to the scene of the crime after giving the police enough time to arrive?  They admitted to the officers that they forgot to grab the remote controls for the TVs, and had come back for them.  (AP)

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Before 12/00:

Better Safe Than Sorry  (8/26/00)
California Gov. Gray Davis has signed a law that removes liability from saying "I'm sorry."  According to the law, apologies or "benevolent gestures of sympathy" cannot be interpreted by courts as admissions of guilt or liability.   Allowing no-fault apologies is "another tool for resolving disputes," said the law's author, State Rep. Lou Papan.  "A simple apology is certainly no remedy for damages or harm suffered through negligence of carelessness of others but it can be part of the overall resolution to a legal dispute."  (Reuters)

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Before 3/00:

Stuart Little on a Binge?  (2/7/00)
Debra Welsh had a problem with mice in her house near Albuquerque, N.M., and she got good at catching them.  Especially the "wobbly" ones.  "Those little drunken, wobbly mice would get into the house and you could get right up to them and pick them up by their tails," she remembers.  "And they would die real fast."  After catching the last one, she was hospitalized -- with bubonic plague.  She's now recovering, and has learned her lesson: no more trying to catch mice on her own.  Especially the "wobbly" bubonic carriers. (AP)

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Housing Boom
The Los Angeles Sheriff's Department said they had
permission from the property owners -- the California Department of
Transportation -- to set off a bomb in a vacant house in La Verne,
Calif., as a training exercise.  But Caltrans says no, they didn't
actually own the house yet, as their purchase was still in escrow.  And
even if they did own it they didn't grant anyone permission to blow it
up, a spokesman said.  The SWAT team's bomb tore a hole in a wall, broke
11 windows, and threw cinder blocks around, causing considerable damage
-- enough that Caltrans has canceled its purchase contract on the
property.  Meanwhile, neighbors are angry they weren't notified before
the exercise, and so is the La Verne police department: they made an
emergency response to the explosion, since they weren't notified of the
exercise either. (Pasadena Star-News)
 ...Suburban renewal, Los Angeles style???

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Diseased Neckties
VIRAL MARKETING: Roger Freeman, an Encino, Calif., dentist and lecturer on infectious diseases, wants to start an epidemic. Well, not really: his new company is pushing a line of neckties with magnified pictures of diseases from microscope slides. "The gonorrhea tie is the best looking tie in the whole lot," Freeman says, allowing that "The syphilis tie is gorgeous. The plague tie is pretty, [but] it's sold out." In addition, patterns showing tuberculosis, herpes, staphylococcus, AIDS, chlamydia, ebola, influenza and several other pathogens are available. Don't want to wear your favorite disease around your neck? Matching underwear is also available. (Reuters)

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Before 9/99:

Credit Cards for 3 Year Olds
Don't leave the playground without it!  Antonia Scalise of Rochester, N.Y., thought it would be amusing to fill out a credit card application in the name of her daughter, Alessandra. She accurately stated that Alessandra was 3 years old, listed her occupation as "preschooler", and wrote she wants a credit card even though "my mommy says no." The application to Charter One Bank was approved and the girl was given a $5,000 credit limit. Antonia complained that even though she put down zero income, the girl got a credit card "with a higher line of credit than me and my husband have." Everyone but the bank has a sense of humor about it: "We've taught her to say, 'Charge it'," Antonia says, but the bank has canceled the account. (AP)

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Power Play
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.  The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on October 10, 1995.

Americans - "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid

Canadians - "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south
to avoid collision."

Americans - "This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert
YOUR course."

Canadians - "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."


Canadians - "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

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Survey Said...

From a telephone survey of 204 Americans, Spring 1993:

- 65% of all Americans believe that frozen pizza will never be any
good and there's nothing science can do about it.

- 10% of the American public would pay $5 to see Senator Orrin
Hatch (R - Utah) fight a big mean dog on Pay TV.  86% of all viewers would
 root for the dog.  100% of women viewers would root for the dog.

- 45% of Americans think rain doesn't feel as good in real
life as it seems to in the movies.

- 16% of Perot voters believe "if dolphins were really smart,
they could get out of those nets."

- 65% of American women believe there is "a lot of difference"
between a campaign contribution and a bribe. Only 35% of
men see a difference.

- 70% of American women have never had an emotionally
satisfactory relationship with a Republican.

From a telephone survey of 229 Americans, Summer 1994:

- In the past year 36% of Americans have chanted "We're Number
One!" Only 22% of Bush voters have chanted "We're Number One!"

- 62% of Americans believe a trip to a major theme park is
more culturally enriching than a trip to the Reagan Library.

- 39% of Americans believe that guns are not "as dangerous as they say".

- 15% of Americans wish Dennis Hopper would go back on drugs.

- 29% of Americans believe that Elvis was right to shoot TV sets.

- 29% of Perot voters say "The candidate I vote for usually loses."

- 11% of Americans that suffer from indigestion would rather
retake the SAT than watch a Jesse Helms filibuster.

- 12.5% of Americans that voted for Clinton believe that they
will someday be told "just what Victoria's Secret is." 
98% of Bush voters believe they will never know.

- 88% of Bush voters "have no idea what rappers are talking about."

- 14% of Americans surveyed agreed that Puerto Rico should not be the
51st state because "that extra star would make the flag look bad."

From a telephone survey of 208 Americans, Winter 1994:

- 35% of Americans believe Richard Nixon went to heaven.
59% believe he went "someplace else."

- 34% of those who voted Republican in the last election
believe "Forrest Gump" was a documentary.

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Only in America
. . .

Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance!

Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink!

Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions!

Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke!

Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters!

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless pieces of junk in the garage!

Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place!

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight!

Only in America...do we use the word "Politics" to describe the process so well. "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood~sucking creatures!"

Only in America...do we have drive~up ATM machines with Braille lettering!

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Before 12/98:

105-year-old ordered to school

ECHALLENS, Switzerland - A 105-year-old retired Swiss teacher was ordered to attend elementary school, thanks to a computer that cut a century off his age. The mix-up happened because a list of local residents had only the last two digits of his birth date, Roland Dougoud, town hall secretary said. So the man, along with 65 5-year-olds in the town, received a letter ordering him to start school. As a result, ''we have changed the computer program in question,'' Dougoud said.

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Before 3/98:

Van Gogh Family Tree

After much careful research, it has been discovered that the
artist, Vincent Van Gogh, had many relatives.  Among them were:

His obnoxious brother..........................Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt ................................Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes.....................Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store.....Stopn Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia..............U Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white......Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois...................   Chica Gogh
His magician uncle............................Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin.............................Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half brother.....Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach .........Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle .......................Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt...................Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle........................Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst....................E Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin......................Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking.........Wayto Gogh
The little nephew.............................Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco......................Ahgo Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van....Winnie B. Gogh

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Cow Paternity!

A new DNA test kit utilizing Polymerase Chain
Reaction technology promises to settle all
paternity disputes among cows. Some 400,000
cattle are already tested in the US by blood typing
to verify paternity each year.

Source: PRNewswire, 2/27/96

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