Sayings by Hände

Contributed by Stephen of Denver

[Hände himself]         [Other "knowns"}         [Other "unknowns"]

Hände himself!

Nothing is etched in stone, except that which is etched in stone.


Enjoy the good times: Don’t ruin them by wishing for something more.


That’s the thing about loud music: It’s just so loud!


His hearing is as sharp as a wasp’s ears.


Nothing is ever the same.


The only bad thing about pain is that it hurts.


There’s one thing about the unknown, — you don’t know what it is.


Granted that the mind is a terrible thing to waste, the waist is a terrible thing to mind.


(Hände came up with this one before he saw the "Cathy" cartoon that used it. I suppose two minds can have identical thoughts.)


I don’t like other people who don’t like other people.


Optimistic Pessimism: Life provides endless opportunities for failure.


On positivism: "I think I messed up the interview."


Be positive: "I know I messed up the interview!"


I’d fire every asshole in this room, but I’d have to fire myself too!


A frican violet.


It behooves each of us to express our thoughts in complete.


Get a warm jacket

    ...enjoy music with your actions.

    ...decrease your altitude.


Consider: The insulating qualities of the appropriate piece of paper.




The bass in that Cathedral’s sound system is so full of resonance it makes Jesus rattle in the stained glass.


The law of Conservation of Ego:


The quantity of Ego in the universe is a constant.


Whenever an entity in the universe decides to cooperate, some other entity, somewhere decides not to cooperate.


Other corollaries follow respectively.


Out n’about in Canada.


English is a constantly changing language, and with your help, we can eliminate it in our lifetime.


He’s so shy, he gets embarrassed when one of his hands touches the other.


No problem is so insignificant that it can’t be made unbearable.


We are plagued with the common lament.


There’s no such thing as a real job.


A foolish man may say much but contributes little;

    A wise man may say little but contributes much.


I cannot imagine a more pleasant indebtedness than owing a special friend a meal.


Software does not break if left alone.


You’ve got to have style before someone can cramp it.


I paid a man thirty-five dollars for a horse and buggy ride, but after the buggy ride, he wouldn’t let me ride the horse!


Toward more picturesque speech:

    ...warm enough to sit in the shade.


Open spaces open eyes.


One doesn’t need to own everything one likes.


Re: Time flies when you’re having fun...


Time flies whether you’re having fun or not! (?????87)


It’s a function which varies directly with age. (29SEP1989)


On a Macro scale, the above is true, but on a micro scale, it is a function of how engrossed you are in what you are doing. The question then becomes: Macro or Micro? (24JAN1995)


EVOLUTION: A word which describes a process that cannot be shown to exist in the real world.


EVOLUTION: A process of change characterized by random chance and time (against extraordinarily great odds), which is void of plan, purpose, or intent, and involves no thought whatsoever.


Re: Beauty is only skin deep...

    That’s good enough for me, I don’t have X-ray vision.


My idea of roughing it is paying for my own hotel room.


"We go looking for trouble." – The Customer Interface Group motto.


I don’t want a relationship with a person who is going to harp on my past — no matter what the past was!


The past is gone, the future is always a dream; all there ever is is the now.


If you’re going to measure grains of sand, you should use gradations smaller than the size of the grains.


We caught the Kitchen cabinets talking to their counterparts.


Anyone who goes to a Psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.


Having responsibility is like having an * .


You know you’re getting old when you go to the doctor more frequently than you go to the movies.


Perhaps Naturalism is jealousy that you didn’t get there first.

    – Relating to a discussion of naturalism on p.245 of Time enough for
         Love, Robert A. Heinlein


Never perform research at the speed of light. (12JUL1989)


A trade-off of being multifaceted is that you end up having a number of sharp edges. (01SEP1989)


The presence of little things which affect our lives is ofen sutle. (02SEP1989)


Equality does not always manifest itself in "sameness." (11OCT1989)


The concern a Data Processing Organization has for its users directly proportional to the level of expertise on the help desk. (13OCT1989)


There are no G’s in Hex! (13OCT1989)


Discipline must be definite and swift in order to be effective. (15OCT1989)


If you go dancing with a person who doesn’t know how, it looks like neither of you knows how. (04NOV1989)


Oh, we could use some towels — some nice, soft, blood-thirsty towels! (09DEC1989)


User is a four letter word. (13DEC1989)


Kids. Young people. Humans who have not been given the responsibility of maintaining their own lives due to their age. (21DEC1989)


Steve McCullough turns cartwheels in the hall.

    (This person worked in support services at AT&T. The statement is a
     turn of phrase describing how he pushes the mail cart which causes
     the wheels to turn.) (21DEC1989)


Charli Hollingshead punches holes in my cubicle. (21DEC1989)


We must get away from the idea that failure is bad. We must allow ourselves, and projects with which we are involved, to fail. Taking risks requires the latitude to fail. If we are punished for failure, it can outweigh the benefit and incentive to take risks. Most learning occurs when we fail! - A summary of a concept presented in AT&T’s QIP (Quality Improvement Process) S. M. Golden


"We’ve got to get organized! We’ve got to solve these problems, and we can’t spend a lot of time haggling about words and definitions!"

    "Oh? What do the problems center around?"

    "They’re mostly Communication problems." (07FEB1990)


Kevin Desloover: "When you see Neil, tell him to give me a ring."

    Hände: "Why? Do you want to marry him?" (07FEB1990)


Excellence In Action or Excellence Inaction? (Betty Luellen)


We’ve built-in efficiency, they’ve built inefficiency. (16FEB1990)


"You don’t seem to appreciate my situation! It seems I’ve become intimately involved with this person overnight!"

    "Yes, that’s the way it usually happens."


Truth is what a person believes at the moment. (??MAR1990)

    Revisited after reading Atlas Shrugged: Perceived truth is what a
     person believes at the moment. (??MAR1991)


Facts may modify truth, but truth will never modify facts. (16MAY1990)


It seems the age of innocence gets lower every year. In our society where deceit, vulgarity, and pain are commonly displayed and practiced, the age of innocence in children ends at the point where the child understands only the most basic concepts of human relationships. It is possible these unfortunate practices are the fundamentals upon which children now build their understanding of human relationships. (16MAY1990)


No matter how little you have, there will always be someone who has less. (17MAY1990)


No matter how little you have, there will always be someone who will covet what you have — even if it’s just your lifestyle! (17MAY1990)


Inside every outrageous hag is a beautiful woman, and inside every beautiful woman is an outrageous hag! (29AUG90)


A violent effort to expel a foreign irritant:

    1. a sneeze

    2. Operation Desert Storm (23JAN91)


When people say they want to hear your views, they don’t.

    When people say they want your criticism, they don’t.

    When people say they want to hear the truth, they don’t.

    What people want is your sanction on their views. Give it to them.
     Tell them what they want to hear. It will make your life
     immeasurably easier. (09APR1991)


If you ain’t enjoyin’ now, you ain’t enjoyin’ life. (01APR91)


Home is where the Harley is. (09APR91)


Communication is getting an idea from here to there.

    Communications is the set of tools used in the process of

    - (12APR91) with Michelle Beecher


"My great grandfather was a Navajo, and he used to say to me, ‘Heioja owahim neriyaman ha.’"

    "What does it mean?"

    "I don’t know. He never told me." (12APR91)


A desk is the sign of a sick mind. (23APR91)


Somebody ran the bit-broom through here (noted after the system went down). (23APR91)


I stepped back to take a look at the "big picture," and discovered it is an incomprehensible mass of random color. (02JAN92)


If the "big picture" is so easily missed by so many, perhaps it’s not as important as some would have us believe. It is often a tactic used to belittle others who disagree with a given philosophy or practice. (02JAN92)


Re: Opening doors and avenues to your career.

    Is that like opening windows and streets? (18MAR92)


When push comes to shove, people do. (18MAR92)


The collection of information in a central location is not knowledge. (16OCT92)


The value of a Team is greater than the sum of the members.

    The value of a Committee is less than the sum of the members.


The strangest chicken I ever saw used to lay down. (17JUN93)


I MAKE MORAL JUDGEMENTS! (Based on right and wrong.) (02JUL93)


"... is guaranteed by the Constitution and Lawmakers cannot take that away."

    Lawmakers can do whatever they want if you’re not willing to put
     your very life on the line. (18APR94)


"Hanging in the balance" is better than falling into the fire. (27JUL94)


"There are a lot of bad people out there, but there are a lot of good people out there too."

The problem is, the power of the good people to do good in defending against the acts of the bad people has been greatly reduced by laws restricting the rights of the good people, and a legal system that considers the rights of bad people as more important than the rights of good people. The bad people are not affected by laws restricting rights. Bad people aren’t restricted by rights. (29JUL94)


You can call it rap, but please don’t call it music. (09AUG94)


Charity comes from the heart — not from taxes! (09AUG94)


The greatest time to be alive is NOW! (02Dec94)


OS/2 is wonderful in what it can do, but horrible in what you have to do to get it to do what you want it to do. (13Dec94)


Sayings by others, collected by Hände:

(First, by people I have known)


I regret that I have but one * for my country. – Nathan Hale paraphrased by John Dewey


There are always exceptions to every always. – Willman R. Golden, Jr.


You don’t get much for nothing anymore. – Young lady in grocery store.


You have to accept the responsibility for a communication breakdown even if you are positive you are not at fault. – Willman R. Golden, Jr.


Toward more Picturesque speech:

    The designer had an amazing style of Architexture. – Byron Kevin


Imperfection is reality; perfection is unreality. If I were to become perfect, I would become comfortable, stagnate, and die. – Byron Kevin


Socrates last words (as related by Byron Kevin): "I drank WHAT???"


1. All of the things I used to think about were sex. – Byron Kevin

    2. I haven’t changed much. – Stephen M. Golden


That stuff’s got so much fiber you’ll shit firewood! – Byron Kevin


Don’t make hash marks; someone will come up and try to smoke them.
    – Neil Cox


Sap is sticky on both sides. – Neil Cox


. . . the ghost of a we we wuz before. – Bobbie Long


No matter how much you have, it’s never enough.

    "Yeah, that’s the way it is with just about everything — except liver."

    – Neil Cox


. . . but the earthquake wasn’t our fault! – Mike Musso


I don’t like the new Star Trek series. It just isn’t the real McCoy.

– Mike Musso


I feel more like I do this time than the last time I felt this way.

– Keith Roloson


Then on the other hand, we have five fingers. – Keith Roloson


Of all the times I’ve ever been here, this has certainly been one.
– Keith Roloson


No good deed goes unpunished. – Keith Roloson


Everything is user friendly (easy to use) to people who know how to use it.  – Lee Dicke


It’s one of those sexual couches — for an occasional piece in the living room. – Jerry Wlodarek (30AUG1989)


Let’s not beat a dead horse to death. – Craig Grimm (03OCT1989)


The wheel has already been created. We’re just going to pave the freeway so it can roll more smoothly. – Neil G. Cox (24OCT1989)


Here’s another example of how confused our society is: We park on driveways, and drive on parkways! – D&D Mike Garcia (26NOV1989)

    (With reference to "You may sit here in the waiting room, or wait there
     in the sitting room." – Young Frankenstein, the Movie)


Read on results of a survey: "The instructions are clear, but people interpret them differently." – Related by Joseph W. Pitt (13DEC1989)


On a day when Neil and I wore similar clothing:

    "Hey, you guys are wearing the same sweater!"

    "No, we’re not! He’s in his, and I’m in mine!"
     – Neil G. Cox (07FEB1990)


"IBM is just full of Administrivia." – Dave Landolt, IBM (05NOV1990)


"Indians always walk in single file. The one I knew always did."    
    – Rick "Stillrick" Hartford (13APR1991)


"Boy, it’s nice we’re having weather — especially when it participates."
     – Rich Wendland (09APR1991)


Three programming commands which have been neglected from all programming languages:

    WriteenFrom / ReadenTo



    -Mike Grose (18FEB1992)


No productive is better than counter productive. Randy Stoneham (10APR1997)


(Then, by others)


Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana. – Omni magazine, 1981


In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. But, it’s possible to get everything dirty without getting anything clean!


If you get paid what you’re worth, your employer has made a poor investment. He will not get a return (or a profit) on his investment.

– Len Cathey


The Peter Principle:

Each man rises to his level of incompetence, and there he remains.
– Dr. Laurence J. Peter


The other line moves faster. (Don’t try to change lines!)


Found in a British newspaper advertisement for a full service laundry: "We do not tear your clothes with machinery, we do it carefully, by hand."


Anything can be found in figures if the search is long enough and hard enough and if the proper pieces of information are ignored or overlooked.

    – Elijah Bailey, p. 263 The Naked Sun, by Isaac Asimov


"‘You can prove anything you want by coldly logical reason — if you pick the proper postulates. We have ours and Cutie has his.’ ‘. . . Postulates are based on assumption and adhered to by faith. Nothing in the Universe can shake them.’" – Gregory Powell in the story "Reason", P. 61 I, Robot, by Isaac Asimov


"All you have to do is take a close look at yourself and you’ll understand everyone else." Golan Trevize, Foundation and Earth by Isaac Asimov


"‘If the mind were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we could not understand it.’"

    – David Spicer, Letters, p. 4, Insight on the News, March 14, 1988


"The ACLU embodies the ethos of liberalism, and there has been a shift in liberalism during the Sixties and Seventies away from focus on individual rights to a radical egalitarianism. If you believe in individual rights, you can’t believe in affirmative action." (emphasis added) – William A. Donohue, p. 10, Insight on the News, March 21, 1988


"All groups who say they believe in dissent — if dissent gets too close to home, you can find yourself excluded." – Nat Hentoff, p. 17, Insight on the News, March 21, 1988


He is all fault who is no fault at all.

    – Tennyson, P.241 The Naked Sun, by Isaac Asimov


"Bitterness is a sign of concern" – S.R.Donaldson, Lord Foul’s Bane, first book of the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever, p. 261.


"‘ebon ichor incarnadine viridian’ – gray is the color of reality." – S.R.Donaldson, The Illearth War, second book of the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever, p. 66.


"I trust that Despite [evil] is not the sum of life." – Lord Morham – S.R.Donaldson, The Power That Preserves, The Second Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, Book One, P. 327


"‘Aroint thee witch!’ the rumpfed runyon cried" – Shakespeare (Macbeth)


"Beware of the man whose belly does not move when he laughs." Chinese Proverb


"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. – James Baldwin


"No problem is so big, or so complicated that it can’t be run away from."     – Linus, Charles M. Schultz


"It is when we all play safe that we create a world of utmost insecurity."
    – Dag Hammarskjöld


"In many situations it’s important to be specific, but I can’t think of any examples off hand." – Ashleigh Brilliant


"Never trust a woman or a government." – Yellowbeard, the Pirate


"The belief that one’s own view of reality is the only reality is the most dangerous of all delusion." – Paul Watzlawick


"We usually see only the things we are looking for — so much so that we sometimes see them where they are not." – Eric Hoffer


"Most of our faults are more pardonable than the means we use to conceal them." – François de la Rochefoucauld


"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting." – E. E. Cummings


"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud." – Ralph Waldo Emerson


Self referential sentences, from Metamagical Themas, by Douglas R. Hofstadter, section one, chapter one.


The next time I write this sentence will be the last.


I am the thought you are now thinking.


Now, you are under my control because you will read until you have reached the end of me.


As long as you are not reading me, the fourth word in this sentence has no referent.


The reader of this sentence exists only while reading me.


Hey, you out there — is that you reading me, or is it someone else?


When you are not looking at it, this sentence is in Spanish.


I had to translate this sentence into English because I could not read the original language.


Because I didn’t think of a good beginning for it.


This sentence was in the past tense.


a preposition. This sentence ends in


If this sentence were false, beggars would ride.


I’ve been sentenced to death.


Does this sentence remind you of Agatha Christie?


Read on the back of an AT&T vehicle: "I am an AT&T save driver. If I don’t show it, call 106.7 KAZY."


"I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous." – unknown


Do you walk to work, or take your lunch? – unknown


You can’t turn back the clock, but you can wind it up again. – unknown


How you look depends on where you are going. – unknown


If it’s got tits or wheels, it’ll give you trouble. – unknown


Intelligence test:

    How many days in the week begin with "T"? two, today and tomorrow.

    How many seconds in a year? Twelve, January second, February second . . . .

    How many "D’s" in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? One hundred and ten! Dee Dee De De De Dee Dee . . . .


FAGAWE (fuh ga wee)


An Advertisement in the Sheraton Hotel – A picture of two children eating breakfast with the caption, "Free with every room." Imagine entering your room and finding two children eating breakfast!


"The tree of liberty must be refreshed form time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure." – Thomas Jefferson


"He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do so a second, and a third, time, till at length it becomes habitual. He tells lies without attending to them, and truths without the world’s believing him. This falsehood of the tongue leads to that of the heart, and, in time, depraves all its good dispositions." – Thomas Jefferson (Taken from Insight, Jan. 13,1992, p.3)


"Behavior is the first thing to go when you’re dead."
    – Larry D. Martin, Paleontologist


"That which does not kill us makes us stronger." – Friedrich Nietzsche


"There is a point in the history of society when it becomes so pathologically soft and tender that among other things it sides even with those who harm it, criminals, and does this quite seriously and honestly. Punishing somehow seems unfair to it." – Friedrich Nietzsche


"There’s no such place as ‘away.’" – Goldie Hawn (VH1 1990)


Standing Directive to the Troops:

    If it moves, salute it;

    If it doesn’t move, pick it up;

    If you can’t pick it up, paint it.


Asking for efficiency and adaptability in the same program is like asking for a beautiful and modest wife . . . we’ll probably have to settle for one or the other. – The Psychology of Computer Programming, Gerald M. Weinberg


A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.
    – Maxwell Planck


"I’m not afraid of dying, I just don’t want to be there when it happens." – Bryan Coyle, Minneapolis City Council upon announcing he had AIDS


"I would maintain that useful information attained more slowly is better than getting no answer at all quickly." – Peter R. Turner of the U.S. Navel Academy. Science News, July 20,1991 p.47 in an article discussing logarithmic computations vs. floating point computations.


"You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong, and you cannot help the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer." – A.Lincoln, quoted in Insight, August 12, 1991, p.23 Later research indicates that this is not a quote by Lincoln, but was on a flier distributed during a Lincoln campaign.


"How can anyone today be a socialist?" asks [Arnold] Beichman. "You have to be slightly mad to be in favor of Fidel Castro. And yet, the myth of socialism is far stronger than the reality of capitalism. That’s because capitalism is not really an ism at all. It is what people do if you leave them alone." Insight, September 16, 1991, p.22.


In an article on the woes of New York City: "The problem remains, however, that city workers receive no reward for high productivity, and no punishment for lack of it. ‘It’s the unions that are killing the city," says [a Parks Department employee].’" Insight, September 16, 1991, p.28.


To every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, obvious, and wrong. – H.L.Mencken


"When a man loses his faith, he doesn’t believe in nothing; he’ll believe in anything." – (some guy named) Chesterton, Insight, March 9, 1992, p.20.


"The right to search for truth implies also a duty; one must not conceal any part of what one has recognized to be true." – Albert Einstein, Science News, Vol. 141, May 2, 1992, p.303


"It is rare that the public sentiment decides immorally or unwisely, and the individual who differs from it ought to distrust and examine well his own opinion." – Thomas Jefferson, Insight, May 18, 1992, p.24


"In Moscow it is said these days that there are two ways of reforming the Russian economy, a realistic way and a fantastic way. The realistic way is that a bunch of foreign merchants will fly in from another planet and reform it. The fantastic way is that the Russians will do it themselves." REASON, October 1992, p.50


"The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it." — P. J. O’Rourke, A Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Tries to Explain the Entire United States Government, REASON, December 1992, p.26


"It is not possible for those who do not understand free markets to create political systems that work." – Lady Margaret Thatcher


"Concensus is the negation of leadership." – Lady Margaret Thatcher 01Nov93


Sign in Automotive shop:

    We do

    fast work

    cheap work

    quality work

    You can choose any two of them.

    (Sent to me by Bev Plett, 30Mar94)


The American republic will endure until the politicians realize they can bribe the people with their own money – Toqueville

    (Actually, the American republic will endure until the American people realize they are being bribed with their own money.

    – S. Golden, 28Jul94)


Vigilance is the price of liberty. – Thomas Jefferson


"It’s important for children to know what the family thinks. Children long to belong. They need to know what your family stands for so they know how to belong." – Mr. [Fred] Rogers


"5.5 percent of all the people who have ever lived are still living." – Paul Harvey, 24Feb95


Regarding the statement about the OJ Simpson trial, "Mark Fermon is not the one on trial, why is he being grilled in such a manner?"

    "It’s the accusation that is on trial, not the defense or the prosecution."
     - Dan Kaplis, 14Mar95


"There’s no reason to be ashamed of being poor, but there’s no reason to be proud of it either." — Anonymous, (related by Mike Rosen on 850 KOA 8Jul96)


Non-supply siders: Concern themselves with "How to divide up a [fixed] pie."

    Supply siders: Concern themselves with "How to make a bigger pie."

    (Mike Rosen on 850 KOA 09:16 22Oct96)


On the Mike Rosen program – 850 KOA 10:20 24Jan97

"The ability to do mental math is a good predictor of success." Mary Ann Jennings, MTV Math: How math is taught in the Public Schools, an article in the Wall Street Journal.


On the Rush Limbaugh Program, 18Mar97 12:51, a founding father as quoted by Rush:

    "For Government to give, it must first take away."